A Lonely Road

So, the bad news is that once again it has been several months since I posted an update here, and for that I am genuinely sorry. The good news is, I have a new image to share, along with a fairly extensive update… so let’s get started:

Morning-Mail_01

I chose this shot because it’s a good example of how an initial idea can change and develop over time. In the original animatic, this scene was very different:

Animatic_MailboxRain

I didn’t have much of the geography around the house worked-out beyond some grass, a bunch of trees in the distance and a road. In fact, if you look too long at this frame, you’ll find all sorts of things that don’t make any sense — but the point of the shot was, “Look! There’s a mailbox!” and maybe a little bit of, “Oh yeah, it’s rainy and gloomy too,” thrown-in for good measure.

I was never happy with the original shot, but didn’t have any clear ideas on how to make it better until my dream-like visit to Castle Gaiman. Turning off a dark country road to move slowly up the gravel driveway toward this eclectic home which had figured so prominently in my imagination over the past few years was beyond thrilling, and surprising as well. The trees lining either side were larger and more mature than I had pictured, and the driveway itself far longer.

These impressions recurred during the next two days as I walked around the property taking reference photographs. In particular, the view from either end of that driveway, with those tall trunks framing its length was quite striking. All of these perceptions were added to the jumbled pile of ideas rolling around inside my head. They eventually emerged as an idea for adding a wider establishing shot at this point in the film using a similar composition (along with fog for separating the layers of the image and increasing visual interest).

In terms of sharpening the cinematic language of The Price, intentionally cutting from such a wide shot down to a close-up of the letter received from the author’s distraught daughter is a bit jarring, and helps add to the building unease of the sequence.

Now, I also wanted to elaborate on the current state of the film and where things are headed.

I had an opportunity not long ago of attempting to do exactly this with my youngest brother, Jeff. Living almost 1100 miles away, I don’t often get to visit with my family; unfortunately, the reason this time was neither fun nor recreational (I’ll get to that a little later).

Jeff said he wasn’t exactly sure he understood what was happening with The Price other than production was taking far longer than anticipated, that I was stressed and agitated over its slower progress, and there seemingly wasn’t much to show for all of that work so far…

So I began talking, and about an hour later, he seemed satisfied — to the point when he stated enthusiastically that I should write something similar here in hopes that it might be helpful to those of you who have been waiting so patiently. So…here goes:

At the beginning of my Kickstarter campaign for this project, I had determined not to attempt full-blown animation as the cost, time, and manpower wouldn’t justify the production of a short film with no real chance of making back any investment. Besides, the style on display in the animatic seemed to be intriguing to viewers — having images that blended between poses like a moving graphic novel. That was an approach I could handle mostly on my own, and for a far more reasonable budget.

After years of fruitless searching for a way to fund The Price, Kickstarter suddenly appeared on the horizon, and I knew how this film could finally happen. 33 days and 2001 backers later, it was on!

Creation is a process of discovery, and you need to allow for some false-starts and dead ends as you make your way along an unknown and lonely road; sometimes, the way to find the right path is to go down all of the wrong ones first. As Thomas Edison famously said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

To wit: the character models were designed and built with the intent that they be posed and rendered as single images rather than a series of animated frames. These digital sculptures, created by Ryan K. Peterson, were phenomenally crafted, but proved difficult to translate from the sculpting software into another 3D program that would create the hair/fur needed, allow each model to be moved into the requisite poses, and then rendered with the correct lighting and materials (for example, having skin with translucent properties). We tried multiple methods and insanely over-complicated combinations that all yielded disappointing and compromised results. Time was ticking away, and every road seemed to lead nowhere.

The sets and environments had their own issues as well. The model of the house was large and unwieldy, and getting it to render was also a royal pain! Using a traditional rendering pipeline meant having to wait for long periods of time (even hours, when you only have one machine working on it) before you can see if you placed your lights properly, had everything aligned in the shot correctly, or if the overall look was somewhere even close to what you had been aiming for. It was like moving things around in a darkened room, then having to wait for the lights to finally come on in order to see what you had done — argh!!!

In a full animation studio, there are many groups of skilled artists and technicians that focus on specific problems and details like these (not to mention the vast rendering “farms” created from hundreds of dedicated CPUs to crunch all of that data). I had just a few guys contracting with me to build/create the things that I couldn’t, and then I was to combine all of these custom pieces together myself. I began to realize that despite my initial, more modest ambitions, what I actually wanted now was to try and create a full-blown professional-grade product, only it had to be made by hand on a very limited budget.

Regardless, I was determined to fight my way through these obstacles, even as they continued to pile-up in relentless fashion.

Then, as time continued relentlessly by…something changed.

Technology.

Suddenly, the sculpting program we used introduced newly-developed tools, and partnered with a company whose ground-breaking renderer could import the files directly and render them quickly, right in front of your eyes. You could tell within seconds if the lighting design worked, and the model materials looked like they were supposed to, with hardly any major tweaking — it was mind-blowing!

Then, a whole new world of possibilities opened up with a program called Element 3D, created by Andrew Kramer and Video Copilot. This special plugin allowed 3D models to be opened in Adobe After Effects, the program I use for compositing all of my shots, and with which I feel extremely comfortable. What all of that means is I could now bring my house model into After Effects and light it, position and modify it all in real time! I had immediate results that would respond instantly as I changed parameters and settings, using the same kind of GPU magic that today’s highly sophisticated videogames also use. Having instant feedback so I could dial-in the look of these models was now a reality — and I could do it myself on my single (though admittedly, crazy-powerful) workstation. Light bulbs (Edison again) were literally popping-on in my mind like machine-gun fire!

And with these new capabilities came a slew of tantalizing possibilities as well. For example: do I really have to keep all of these images static? Wouldn’t it be so much more immersive to start the film by moving the camera slowly toward the house, past thousands of blades of 3D grass and right up to that tree trunk with those strange markings on it that reveals the film’s title? (If you haven’t already seen this shot, click here.)

Can you see where all of this is going? Imagine, after spending years of tinkering, trying to put a car together in your spare time with a bunch of custom-made components, you realize you now have the ability to build something more sophisticated, powerful and even more beautiful…but that means taking it all apart and then putting it back together in a new and different way. That’s the best metaphor I can think of to describe where things are. None of the parts that have been worked on so diligently have been cast aside or wasted, just used in a better, more advanced fashion.

I’ve stated this before, but it bears repeating here: even more than money, my Kickstarter backers have afforded me the rarefied opportunity to create something at my very best, A+ level. Because there is no paying client waving a glaring deadline in my face, I can listen to that aesthetic-driven voice in my head that sees a better way of putting things together. Trying to explain why an artist should pay heed to that voice is difficult — how can you quantify inspiration or justify a creative instinct?

Ultimately, the process of creation really is a lonely road, and always traveled for the very first time. It’s never easy to attempt an explanation as to why something looks “off” to me, or how I know when something else feels “right.” It’s like being asked where ideas come from — how can you answer that? All I know is that you need to start the journey with faith in that inner sensibility, then be willing to head down the unknown path alone, wondering at what you’ll find…

Of course, this process takes time. We all have lives to live, and life frequently requires things of us that we may not have accounted for.

Now back to why I was visiting my brother Jeff: he called early Sunday morning on the last day of January to tell me that our father had suffered a heart attack; less than an hour later, he called again to say that he was gone.

Dads-Funeral_02

Photo: Shain Walker

(I was going to share some things with you here about my Dad, but have decided to save those thoughts and precious memories for a later post.)

I stayed with my Mum for awhile after the funeral. She has a wonderfully resilient outlook, but now bears the burden of living alone and managing the small farm that our family enjoyed so much growing up. Life has drastically altered the rules for her, and yet she is finding her way along this new path.

That’s what we all do. My wife always refers to Dory’s refrain in Finding Nemo as our family motto: Just Keep Swimming. Sure, that sounds especially fitting when you consider that our last name is Salmon, but there is a profound truth to be found as well. You just keep moving forward, no matter what comes your way.

And often, those life events are joyful and glorious: last month, my daughter Shain (who took the marvelous picture above) was married to her best friend (a really great guy), the first of our children to do so.

Shain-and-Hogan

Above all, family remains the highest priority, despite schedules brimming with responsibilities and activities that demand our time and attention.

Having the chance to make this film in the way that I want to is a great privilege, one I feel immense gratitude for. The constant support and encouragement from the vast majority of you, including Mr. Gaiman, helps more than you realize, especially on those days when the obstacles loom large and discouragement tries to worm its insidious way into my heart.

But I’ll never give up. It’s simply not an option.

Neil said that I fell in love with The Price, and that really is the best way to put it. Of course I am anxious to have it finished — and I will always maintain that no one wants to see this movie more than I do! I constantly daydream of being invited to some sort of Gaiman-centric event one day in the near future and being able to show it to all of you, getting to feel your response in person. This project has been part of who I am as an artist for so long now, I will always feel a deep connection to this moving and thoughtful story of when The Black Cat came to stay.

So don’t give up hope; I may still be walking down that lonely road, but know I will be returning soon to share what I’ve found along the way.

About Xtopher

Director of The Price, and Owner/Creative Director of Silver Fish Creative, LLC.
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46 Responses to A Lonely Road

  1. Appreciate the detailed and thoughtful explanation of some of what’s gone on with the technical side of things. Have missed hearing from you, so it’s great to see an update.

    So very sorry to hear about your father. Having lost my own, I certainly understand how that feels, all the more so as his brother, my uncle, recently passed as well. But it’s great that you clearly have a close family and solid support system. That really counts for a lot. I’ll be sure to keep you all in my prayers.

    • Xtopher says:

      MICHAEL! So great to hear from you as well! I appreciate your kindness, prayers (and also your long-suffering). I am sorry to hear about your losses as well, and am grateful for your sensitivity to empathize. Yeah, I am unbelievably lucky to have the family that I do, and my Dad lived a tremendously full life & I am going to write about him later. I hope all is well with you my friend, and that you are finding success! :)

  2. Jophiel Wiis says:

    I am in all honesty very happy that this project has taken the time that it has – it means that I’ve had the chance to be partial to your musings for far longer than expected – something that turned out to be much more valuable than I anticipated :)

    You are an inspiration.

    • Xtopher says:

      It’s a humbling thought, but if anything I do or say helps you to feel inspired and keep exploring your own creativity, I am grateful for the chance to share. Thank you so much for saying so, Jophiel.

  3. Gary Power says:

    So very sorry to hear about your dad. Family really is where our priorities lay. I’m an animation student from Ireland and a Gaiman enthusiast myself. This is a project that I have been following for some time and with every update it just wets the appetite even more. You are doing incredible work and it will be all worth it in the end. So keep fight the good fight Chris.

    • Xtopher says:

      I really appreciate that, Gary, and I will keep fighting until we can all sit back and watch. Best of luck with your studies — keep in touch, my friend!

  4. martha hart says:

    Thanks for this update. Your journey is parallel to one I’m on with a project-of-the-heart as well (going off and on for 18 years now, with many twists and turns along the route) so I really enjoyed reading your extended story.

    Creativity is, indeed, difficult to explain in words. I once tried to explain it to my decidedly non-creative mother by saying you have to listen to the project – it will tell you the form it wants to be in – and I got THAT LOOK. Okay. Won’t make that mistake again! But it’s the closest I can get to saying what it’s like, except that the listening time is filled with dark and lonely and worrisome nights and days. And yes, that’s part of the process (and the progress) that leads you toward the light. Supporters help, partners help, but ultimately, the only one who knows (or feels) what it needs to become is you. Looking forward to reading more about it.

    Last, though hardly least, my condolences to you and your family. I’ve been there, too, and it’s … different. You’re just different, after. All the best to you.

    • Xtopher says:

      Very well said, Martha. (And yes, I am well acquainted with “the look.”) I hope you never stop pressing forward, and I’d love to find out more about your project! And thank you for your condolences; it may be different after, but my Dad will always be there.

  5. Jordi says:

    Thank you for the update, and first let me say sorry for your loss. Again. It’s never easy to lose a parent no matter what age.

    As for the update, I fully understand — and approve — of you wanting to make the best possible film, rather than just get it out quickly. Just… don’t make us wait so long for updates, please!

    The Price was the first project I backed on Kickstarter, and it remains one I am really invested in. Looking forward to the day it is complete.

    • Xtopher says:

      And that is why I apologized Jordi — not posting regularly is something I can fix immediately, and I promise to do so. I deeply appreciate your investment in The Price, and supporters like you keep me going.

  6. Rich says:

    Obviously you have the condolences of anyone who follows you closely enough to be reading this blog even though almost all of us don’t know you personally. Losing a parent is a wrenching milestone in anyone’s life.

    As this post is also an update to The Price project, this is the only venue to comment on that, so with no disrepect to you over your loss, here are my thoughts on the project news.
    Firstly, as technology moved on, you could have taken advantage of the advances to make the creation of the original idea (which we all backed) easier rather than expanding and changing the task in hand. Technology will always be moving on and it will always be just short of being able to create the most fantastic thing you can think of. To keep moving the goalposts seems to be destined to never finish.
    Secondly, your “no paying client” line was a bit jarring. I know Kickstarter is not a contract to buy something. We’ve given “donations” with the promise of “rewards”, but still, it’s not like Patreon or GoFundMe which are / can be open ended donations to people to do what they want with. The Kickstarter campaign had specific goals and specific time frames: in December 2010, the deliverables were expected in “summer 2011”. This seemed ridiculously optimistic, but we backed it anyway. Summer updates revealed there was no way anything was going to be ready, so we settled in for the typical 2x or 3x Kickstarter estimate extension but it’s clear that’s a huge under estimate too.
    I’m sure like me, most backers see this as sunk cost and if anything is ever delivered it will be an unexpected bonus. I just can’t help thinking that if it was still the “2 1/2 D comic book come to life” in the original plan, it would be a lot closer to completion.

    • Xtopher says:

      Thank you for your condolences Rich, and I am also grateful for your thoughtful observations. I respect your opinion and am sorry to have given you cause to doubt my resolve. As far as moving those goalposts goes, I can tell you this: my original intent had always been to create a fully animated movie, but it didn’t seem to be a realistic possibility given budget, manpower and the tech that was available at the time I considered using Kickstarter. As I related in this last post, the advances in technology and my underlying desire to see these images move drove the decision to upgrade my efforts. In my mind, I hoped it would be viewed as a “value-add” situation by the backers despite the extended delays (which I never anticipated would extend as far as they have). Hang in there — your “unexpected bonus” is still headed your way. :)

  7. Krissy says:

    I was just getting deeply curious about this project and curious to how life was impacting you in such a way to pull at the strings of your progress. Sincere condolences to the passing of your father onto another great story of be-ing that has left a space in your and your family’s own. Life and time keep marching on.
    I look forward to the updates for this means you too are still walking the map of your creation to bring Neil’s story to all of us and hopefully enjoying the journey.

  8. Susan Ator says:

    I am so very sorry to hear the news of your father. I lost both my parents within 4 months of each other 4 years ago. It’s very hard. I am so sorry you couldn’t be there with him at the end. I couldn’t get there in time for my father but was lucky beyond reason to spend the last week of my mother’s life with her. I feel for you.

    Oh, yes, I love the new look of The Price. It is very atmospheric and moody. Beautiful stuff.

    • Xtopher says:

      I am so sorry to hear about your losses, Susan; I cannot imagine how difficult that must have been. I was very lucky to have spent some wonderful moments with my Dad recently, and I keep those precious memories close. I am happy to hear you were able to be with your mother, a tender mercy.

  9. Chuck Hudlow says:

    My condolences to you and your family, Christopher. It was just a few years ago that I was holding my father’s hand as he slipped away from this earth, so I can identify with your loss.

    Thanks for the update and sharing the excitement of having your daughter marry that special someone in her life. I know that was a very happy time for you and your wife.

    Best of luck to you as you continue this process of producing a film that you’ve been seeing in your mind for years. As others have shared already, I’m looking forward to the finished product…but no more than you are, I’m sure. Hang in there…

    • Xtopher says:

      I appreciate that Chuck; I’m so thankful for people like yourself who are so generous with their support. I’m glad for you to have been able to be with your Dad to help him on his way. And yes, seeing your children grow up and blossom is a joy that is different from anything else I’ve experienced.

  10. Andrea Z. says:

    Thank you for the update. As my daughter goes through the animation program at BYU, I have a better understanding of the technical side of what you are talking about. Hearing her mention waiting for her assignments to render, gives me a whole new level of understanding about how slow the process can be.

    Keep up the good work. We will all still be here when the project is finished and ready to enjoy. Life is a journey, and the journey can be as beautiful as the destination.

    • Xtopher says:

      Thanks Andrea — I am doing my best to savor every single moment of it. I hope your daughter is enjoying her studies (BYU has a truly incredible animation program)! :)

  11. Frank Kelly says:

    Life. It happens. I’ve been working on a feature script for a year now, amid kids growing, moving house a couple of times, full time jobs, family being sick, but yeah, we keep swimming, believing that one day, soon, we’ll get there. I’ve been following this film since the beginning, and I know it will be finished, you’re one of those people who doesn’t give up. I can’t wait to see it, it’s going to be beautiful. And for you, I foresee great things! Keep on pushing, you’ve got a lot of people cheering for you. Thanks for the update!

    • Xtopher says:

      And don’t you give up either, Frank! It means the world to me to know there are people like you out there sending all of those positives vibes my way; please know I’ll be sending my own your way as well!

  12. Carole says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your journey — its high points and lows — with us.

  13. Jenna N. says:

    I’m very sorry to hear you’ve suffered yet another loss, and send blessings to you and yours. All things worthwhile are precisely that – worth the while it takes. We’ll continue to be here with you, take time to heal.

  14. Stephanie Harper says:

    Condolences on your loss, your family is in our thoughts.
    Congratulations to your lovely daughter on her new adventure.
    And big squishy virtual hugs to you all. A long road indeed. It is a singular experience to be invited to accompany you on this journey. I very much appreciate the insights into the process, and enjoy watching your progress.

    • Xtopher says:

      And big, squish virtual hugs in return! I’m glad to have you along for the ride, Stephanie, and appreciate your thoughtful comments.

  15. Julia Whitenight says:

    You have my condolences on your father and congratulations to your daughter — such turbulent times.

    And … my encouragement on the new opportunities and re-envisioning of this project. It probably sounds terribly selfish of me to say it, but I’m glad that you’re still working on this. I had recently been thinking about you and this movie, and was genuinely concerned that your life had taken a turn for the worst. So pleased to see that you’re still swimming!

  16. Pat Kiewicz says:

    You have my heart-felt condolences on the loss of your father.

    Also, my congratulations on your daughter’s marriage! (I hope my daughter will be able to find someone to make her smile and build a life with her.)

    This was the first project I backed and it seems exactly right and proper that this way of funding gives you a chance to make the film you truly envision. How very strange that obstacles and delays opened up new and better ways to make that happen.

    • Xtopher says:

      Thank you Pat, It is tremendously satisfying to see your children move through the different stages of their lives, and as they make good choices, you feel a unique sense of hope. I am thankful that your faith in this project hasn’t been worn away by the time it has taken, and that you value the incredible opportunity all of you have provided for me to go all the way with this film. :)
      And yes, the law that resistance that makes us stronger is definitely a true principle!

  17. Durp says:

    I, for one, would never be satisfied if you finished The Price as “the film you could deliver in the time allotted”. Take as much damn time as you need. Make it what you feel it should be; what you dream it can be. I demand it.

    • Xtopher says:

      Okay Durp, your comment made me literally laugh out loud (good thing I wasn’t eating or drinking when I read it)! I hear your demand loud and clear my friend; all I can say is, “As you wish.”

  18. Jill McGarr says:

    My deepest condolences to you and your family. There are no words for your loss.

    If it takes 20 years to see this project to fruition, I know you will achieve it. Whenever an update is posted, I wait until I have quiet time to read and see what is happening in your world. Keep going! When it is finished, it will be a masterpiece.

    • Xtopher says:

      Thank you Jill. While I appreciate your kind sentiment, there is NO WAY I’m letting this project go on any longer than absolutely necessary! 😉 And I’m touched that you reserve a little of your quiet time for The Price (I know how rare those moments are).

  19. Sherezada says:

    I’m so sorry for your family’s loss. Congratulations, though, on your daughter’s marriage. There’s definitely a lot of change going on in your life, and that’ll definitely affect the creative process.

    Thanks for sharing such a detailed update. Animation is a mysterious process to me, so it was even more fascinating to learn about how things have been changing technologically.

    Good luck with everything!

    • Xtopher says:

      I appreciate your continuing support and your words of kindness, Sherezada. And I think that life’s variety and richness add to o
      the creative process (if we let it). Thanks again! :)

  20. aeddubh says:

    So sorry for your loss.

    Thanks for the update. I have faith in you and the project, and I’m sure that it will be wonderful.

    • Xtopher says:

      That faith is a precious thing, Hugh, and it means everything to know you still believe — I won’t let you down!

  21. Sioux says:

    The key to happiness is being receptive to change.

    I often wonder if this is why tech people are generally happy people, lol. So great news about the better software… I’m exited!
    I’m happy :)

  22. Trevor R says:

    Condolences, Christopher. I respect your family’s resilience. I’m at the (same) stage of life when there are too many goodbyes. Whether it’s been age, illness or suicide, there’s been too many. I’m fortunate that both my parents are still here, though I know I have to brace myself.

    Meanwhile, my creative projects have been put on hold, temporarily, due to two independent cancers I’m dealing with. One is sleepy and not much of a threat (yet), the other was quite the opposite: Stage IV throat cancer. I’ve recently made it to the other side of radiation and chemotherapy. Basically I took Thor’s hammer to the throat. Hardest thing I’ve ever endured, but now I can start getting back to work, and as strength returns, get back to projects of the heart. Forward is the only way.

    I’m still 100% behind you, and will donate more if that’s what will help. The only thing I warn against is chasing technology for an incrementally better technical result, as that could be a unending chase. In the end, it’s how well you portray the story that will matter most.

    • Xtopher says:

      Trevor, I can’t begin to express how truly sorry I am to hear of your illnesses and what you must be dealing with; so many of my family and friends have suffered with cancer and the brutal treatments deemed necessary to combat them. I am inspired by your resolve and grateful for your consistent encouragement. I appreciate the solid counsel, and hope you know that I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

      • Trevor R says:

        Thanks for the kind words. I’m actually not feeling much self-pity now. Having survived the treatment with all my original parts intact, I’m celebrating the additional time I’m getting!

        • Xtopher says:

          Keeping those original parts is a very good thing indeed; I’ll be celebrating with you my friend!

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